Single Parents' Holiday Survival Guide

• Create New Family Traditions
  For the last 10 years you have eaten Christmas brunch with your in-laws but this is no longer an option -- at least not for you. Yet, children thrive on ritual, so it may be time to make up some new holiday traditions. Make a conscious effort to make up a new tradition or two with your kids (i.e. going to the local Thanksgiving parade or even baking cookies after opening gifts) and if your children are old enough, include their ideas in your plans.
  
  
  

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• Have Your Holiday Early
  Don't have the kids for an upcoming holiday? Why not celebrate the holiday (Christmas, Hannukah, Thanksgiving or even birthdays) a week early complete with all the decoration, food and yes, presents. Invite friends, family and neighbors and do it up. No, it's not the same as the day of, but it's really about the sentiment and the company anyway.
  
  
  

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• Get Some Company
  The holidays can sometimes be unbearably lonely, especially without the pitter patter of little feet. If your ex has the children on a significant holiday, make sure you get with other folks to continue the festivities. You can either get with your own family (parents, sister or brother and their children, or close friends) or, seek out other singletons through a single parents group or coworkers or friends.
  
  
  

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• Speak well of your ex and his/her significant other
  Acceptance of new circumstances goes a long way, and you've got to model for your children what a mature, loving adult looks like. That means if and when your children are spending a holiday with your ex and his/her partner, they should not hear you speak negatively of either one. In fact, you should encourage a good relationship and reassure your child that it's OK to accept his or her new family -- there's plenty of love to go around.
  
  
  

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• Don't spoil your children to make up for guilt
  As the non-custodial parent, it is easy to make up for lost time with "things." Yet the most meaningful reason for a visit with your children is to bond with them and to be a significant part of their lives. It's about the time spent -- and love don't cost a thing. Ice skating, bike riding, fishing or even snuggling up and watching movies together mean everything in the world to children -- as long as it's with you!
  
  
  

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• Mind your budget
  Now that your financial circumstances have changed (and with most separations, divorces or even deaths -- standards of living initially decrease for single parents), you need to be extra mindful of your budget. This means setting up a spending plan and sticking to it during the holidays. Tried and true tactics like shopping for gifts off season, comparing prices online and staying within the budget you set for the holidays ensure you have money for a rainy day or a college fund.
  
  
  

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• Preserve relationships with family members
  If you absolutely love your father -in-law or feel closer to your ex's sister than you do to your own sister, maintain those relationships during the holidays by inviting Christmas dinner but also to other significant events in your child's life like plays, recitals and basketball games. It is great for your children to see you continue to love their family even if you are not with their mom or dad. However, do not use your relationship with your in-laws (or children for that matter) to communicate to your ex in any way.
  
  
  

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• Pick Your Battles
  Suppose you're a serious Christian and your ex's wife is Muslim and they took your child into a mosque. OK -- that's extreme. But how about if they had your 5-year-old out all day snowball fighting with that small jacket on? Sometimes you have to know which battles to pick. Unless it's posing a serious threat to your child's health or well being, it's best not to make an "issue" out of everything the other parent does. In other words, you have to roll with the punches. It will make everyone's life a little easier, including your child's.
  
  
  

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• Do a Joint Holiday Event
  This may take some time, and for some, it's just not feasible, but we've all heard of those families who continue to get together even after a split (hello Bruce and Demi and Ashton!) This probably best if each partner has moved on, but look at the wonderful gift you are giving your children. This takes time, however, so do not attempt this unless you feel truly ready. Maybe start with a small tree trimming together one year before going all out for a sit down dinner with your ex and his or her new family or partner.
  
  
  

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